you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
