wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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