I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
