It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I showed him my bush... on skype.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
