2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
