i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
