I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
