how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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