he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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