you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
