Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
