Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
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