why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
