There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
