U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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