i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize
