She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
