I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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