Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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