good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
