TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
