failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
My life is pants optional.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
