Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
