also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize