I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
