Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Randomize
