Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
