Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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