the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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