There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
