..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I love you. Go after that dick
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
