exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
