you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
