My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
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