I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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