Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
