well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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