Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
How's work?
Spinning.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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