yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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