Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Randomize
