I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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