I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
