I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
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Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
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my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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