marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
