if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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