Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
