who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
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