Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
