YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
