So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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