I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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