I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Randomize
