This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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