did you get engaged???
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
