I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Randomize
