Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
