I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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