Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
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Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
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