I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
