oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
People in love make me want to vomit
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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