Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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