so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
