I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
smell my finger.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
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The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
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I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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