shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
