You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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