please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
