I'm eating all of the evidence.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
