is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
