Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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