By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
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