what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
