Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Randomize
