Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
