I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i came on her dog
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
