party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
i think i just lost a toe
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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