Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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