Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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