he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
